June 19th, 2024
Tonight was our first rehearsal. I was super excited to dive into the show. Before the rehearsal, I read the script 3 times over the last few days to understand the beats and moments throughout the show. I was a little taken aback when Marc remarked that we would not be reading our character. I was a little taken aback but I came to realize it was great to hear voices read the show without actually putting myself into my character just yet. We discussed that the show takes place in 1957 despite the script allowing it to occur whenever. Marc said that it made the most sense for the story and the phrases spoken. I completely agree with this assessment. It struck me as odd that the script allowed for this recontextualization. Something else that we talked about which I hadn’t fully realized before this meeting was that the show is not about the trial but about the jury. This may sound rudimentary but the show truly revolves around the people in the jury room and how their lives and biases affect their thoughts and opinions regarding the trial rather than the facts and result of the trial. This is something that will be critical to keep in mind throughout the remainder of the show. This also factored into our conversation about the importance and reasons for doing this show now. The show explores these ideas of prejudice and bias which is particularly relevant today as society continues to grapple with issues of racism and classism. I also learned that I will likely have a New York accent which is very exciting as it is an accent I have yet to explore. Before our next meeting, I look forward to diving into it as well as completing the four research tasks that Marc set out for us.
August 11th, 2024
Prior to rehearsal tonight Marc asked us to find facts regarding manners in the 50s, serving on a Jury in New York, and a fact about New York in the 50s. I learned that it was improper for men to be seen outside without a hat on. I wonder if that means that all of the men will come into the Jury room carrying or wearing hats as they would have had them outside. The other option is that there is somewhere else they could put them before entering the room. I also learned that as of 1937 women were permitted to serve on juries in New York, hence why we have women on our jury 20 years later. Additionally, the subway was the most common way for people to commute in New York in the 50s. At the time it only cost 15 cents. This makes me believe that many of the jurors likely took the subway into court every day. Marc also asked that we come up with a plausible theory for where the murder took place. I believe it took place on the 2nd Avenue line of the El train in the Lower East Side. The Lower East Side was known for being a slum filled with tenements which fits what we know about the location of the crime. Additionally, the 2nd Avenue El line went through the area with tenements on either side according to a map of train lines as well as some images I located of the area. Another thing I did to prepare was work on my accent. Marc sent a lot of valuable resources including recordings and lists of signature sounds. I have been practicing whenever I have downtime, just trying to repeat what the guy on the recordings is saying. I got to use my accent during the read-through today. We once again didn’t read for our characters but I instead read for 3, 4, and 1 in the various acts. It was an interesting experience to be able to look at the show from out of the characters’ perspective because, in my reading and preparation, I had been mainly focused on my character. During the read, we also pointed out the given circumstances at the moment. Some were basic such as the fact that the text clearly tells us that it is a hot summer day. However, some took some inferring such as the fact that the room will likely quickly begin to fill with cigarette smoke as we have a few smokers in the room. Our next rehearsal is in person on August 19th however I have an accent meeting on Tuesday which I am looking forward to.
August 13th, 2024
Today was our accent meeting. We mostly focused on vocal posture and how that affects our accents. We talked about tongue placement and lip rounding and how that should solve some of the problems we are finding with the accent. It was a short meeting but I feel that I made some progress just from hearing Marc in the accent and repeating after him. I also got a sense of where my peers were and how our accents vary but are still from the same locations which fits into the realistic nature of the show. I feel confident with where I am now and how I sound but I do wonder if I could benefit from an individual accent session to get some one-on-one attention because I feel there is room for improvement.
August 19th, 2024
I was thrilled to finally be in person to rehearse. Also, we got to read our roles tonight which was very exciting. I was glad to start thinking about who Juror 2 is. I’m very shy and hesitant to speak up and when I do, I rarely add anything to the conversation. I tend to agree with whatever the majority is saying rather than form my own opinions. It seems that for whatever reason, having a common opinion is more important to me than making the right choice. I am interested in exploring that and discovering why that is. We also each came in today with six questions regarding the play and its world. This led to an interesting discussion regarding jury procedures from the perspectives of Marc who recently had a family member on a Jury, Martha, who was recently on a Jury, and Mary who has a family member in law. The biggest question that I had was answered pretty simply. I wondered if the jurors had any pre-established relationships with each other before entering the jury room. Did they have breaks to talk and meet each other? Did they talk during the trip to the tenement (which we discussed was fairly uncommon)? Martha said that they could talk but nothing about the case could be discussed which was interesting. It adds a sense of urgency to the conversation in the Jury room as it means they had not been able to discuss anything about the case prior. At the end of rehearsal, I talked to Marc about having a one-on-one accent meeting and we scheduled it for Wednesday.
August 20th, 2024
Today we continued reading Act 1. I am really beginning to get a feeling of who my character is. He is an anxious, stressed man who struggles to form his own opinions outside of the opinions of the majority. This juxtaposes me against characters like Jurors 3,4,8, and 10 who are extremely outspoken about their opinions and what they believe. I wonder why I am so timid. Have I always been this way or did something in my past trigger it? I hope to explore this more when I sit down to do character analysis. Additionally, we did research in rehearsals tonight. My group was tasked to research where ethnic groups lived in New York during the show as well as how it would impact the show. We discovered that the 40s-90s were a huge period for ethnic diversity in New York. German immigrants were moving into the Lower East Side. Harlem was a diverse district filled primarily with Finnish, Irish, and Italian Immigrants and Chinatown was founded in the 1970s to account for the incoming Chinese immigrants throughout this period. We hypothesized that every character in this show will have noticed this evolving diversity in New York and it will likely play a role in their opinions and thoughts on the trial. This is something I will continue to keep in mind during the process. How could this affect my role in the deliberation?
August 21st, 2024
Prior to rehearsal today I spent some time researching tenements. The tenement museum in New York in the lower east side. The museum has images and videos of what tenements would have looked like. It seems to be a big deal in the city as I came across an SNL skit centering around the museum. I did not in fact focus on the SNL skit but rather the videos and photos I found from the tenement museum. The tenements were small and cramped with many layers of old wallpaper. They were typically homes to immigrants who could not afford higher-class housing. It is helpful to get an image into my head of what the tenements we visited in court would have looked like. Additionally, I had my solo accent meeting today. We focused on vocal posture such as the rounding of the lips and the placement of the tongue. This fixed a lot of the issues I had been struggling with concerning the New York accent. It was fun because I was reading a passage from The Hobbit about Gandalf but for some reason, Bilbo Baggins is a New Yorker. During rehearsal, we focused on the idea of spotlighting. In this show with 12-13 actors on stage for the entire show making sure we can draw attention to specific interactions and moments between smaller groups is paramount to telling the story of the show. We looked at how levels and speed can “spotlight” various moments. Marc says that he plans to implement various forms of spotlighting throughout the process. I am very interested in how and when we choose to implement it. The biggest thing we did today was read the second act of the play. During this Act, I start to speak up for myself in a way that I don’t in the first act. I am still trying to figure out where exactly the shift takes place but there is a very clear shift.
August 23rd, 2024
As we read Act 3 and finished the play, my feelings from Wednesday regarding my shift were confirmed. In Act 3 I become far more opinionated gathering my courage to chime in with thoughts and questions as well as being downright snarky in moments such as when I sarcastically say “Do you want me to time this too?” This is a far cry from the beginning of Act 1 when I seemingly did not even understand the concept of sarcasm. I am still not sure of the exact moment where the shift takes place. The first time I can pinpoint where I share my opinion is in Act 2 where I say “Maybe the old man didn’t hear it. I mean with the el noise…”. I have a note there from Wednesday which says “dissenting”. For other characters, this may not be a big deal but for me, having not spoken my mind until almost halfway through the play, this moment is of great importance. The struggle is that it is quite literally one line. How can I emphasize the impact of it properly? I hope to explore it some when we block the second act.
August 24th, 2024
We began blocking today. We only worked through the first few pages as they have more action than pretty much the remainder of the show. We scripted dialogue with the other jurors as we enter the room. I walk into the room with Juror 12 and go straight to the water cooler. Our initial banter was about the heat. However, when the conversation moved on, I realized my first line was still about the heat. I responded with ‘I suppose not, I’d kind of forgotten,’ not because I forgot, but because I didn’t catch Juror 12’s sarcasm and was just agreeing to be polite. It doesn’t quite make sense for me to mention the heat right before that moment. My blocking for this first bit of the show is rather simple. I pretty much stand by the water cooler drinking water and talking to the other jurors. During this moment I begin to build a connection with Juror 12. I would like to continue that allyship until I vote differently than her throughout the show and I believe I can justify that based on our moments in the opening of the show. Additionally, looking ahead, we sit next to each other before I switch seats with Juror 11. Something I haven’t much thought about up until today is what my relationship with the other jurors is. I talked last week about the fact that one of my questions was how much we would have interacted outside of the courtroom however now I am wondering how much that matters. I am shy and reserved so I am not sure I would have put myself out there much and introduced myself to people. Juror 12 and I have some form of pre-established relationship as we enter the room in conversation however I do not think that I initiated said conversation. I also don’t think they are friends, more just acquaintances and allies who seemingly have similar opinions on the trial (even if I am just agreeing with everything she says).
August 25th, 2024
Tonight we continued blocking our way through Act 1. I got to employ some of my research tonight and when I sat down I asked Marc if it would be appropriate for me to take my hat off. In my research, I found that men would typically wear hats outside but not indoors. My thought is that I may wear it from walking from room to room for the sake of convenience but when I sat down I would at least remove it then. Tonight was also the first time I got to work from the seat I will be sitting in for most of the show. I got to look at what my sightlines look like. I began to notice that there may be some moments where I am covered by Juror 10 so I may have to advocate for myself in moments. One thing that actually helps is that when we stand it is our turn to say why we voted guilty. Another thing I began crafting tonight was a relationship with the Foreman and Juror 3. Sitting next to them allows me to play reactions off of them and respond to their reactions. The Foreman and I specifically have started reacting to each other. Prior to sitting with them, I did not have any interaction with either of them in the opening of the show nor do I think we talked during the trial so as I sat down I introduced myself. This is also important as I want to be liked so Foreman’s opinion of me would be important to gain. I have to make a good first impression. When asked if I have heard of the 5th Amendment I awkwardly say I have heard of it but nothing more. I wrote a note saying “Is this line just to 8 or do I want backup from others?”. It is justifiable for me to look around and see if anyone will help me out of the situation. I may try looking specifically at Jurors 3 and 4 as they are both outspoken and are fairly close in proximity to me.
August 27th, 2024
Tonight we concluded blocking Act 1 and ran through the act fully for the first time. I am very proud of the progress we have made so far. I spent a lot of time asking myself questions about who I am and how I became that person. I asked myself why I am so timid. Do I have nervous tics? Why am I in a rush to get home? What do I do for a living? Have I been pushed around in the past? In the process of thinking I answered some questions for myself as well as made some character choices. I always agree with the majority regardless of how I personally feel. My non-confrontational nature makes me somewhat of a fish out of water in the jury room. I am also non-violent and mentions of excessive violence contribute to my anxious nature. While others begin to find her annoying I continue my allyship with Juror 12. Something else Marc talked about was the use of sound as punctuation. We can use a pound on a table, a dropping of a pen, or even pushing in or pulling out a chair to add emphasis to statements. The use of sounds that aren’t my voice is a new concept for me as an actor. As we continue this process I will look forward to finding opportunities to utilize this new context in the show. Lastly, I found myself to start being comfortable making choices for myself. For example, the timing during one of my crosses wasn’t working out. I decided to go a tiny bit earlier than we had decided prior which worked well and the timing lined up exactly how we wanted.
August 29th, 2024
As we polished Act 1 and began Act 2 I continued to make some realizations about my character. For example, I think that while other characters may get annoyed at Juror 12 for being so self-centered, I found an ally in her at the water cooler at the beginning of the show so I stick by her as a loyal friend. I have also thought about my history and how it affects the way I behave in the play. I think that I have been pushed around before and am non-violent and afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I have opinions but I choose to agree with the majority in favor of not creating confrontations. My non-confrontational nature makes me somewhat of a fish out of water in the jury room. I wonder if even though I disagree with Juror 8 I have some respect for her being able to stand up for what she believes in. Does her courage motivate me at all as the play continues? I may explore that as we continue blocking acts 2 and 3. Some of the jurors have concrete reasons for wanting to be out of deliberation but I never directly say what mine is. My thought is that he has to be at work in the morning so cannot afford to stay in court another day. I almost would think he does not care as much as the other jurors do about getting home however in Act 3 I do have a line where I say “Do you want me to time this too?” which seems to indicate that I am getting fed up with how long everything is taking. I have also been thinking who ways to possibly incorporate anxious tics in ways that aren’t necessarily indicating that I’m anxious. As an anxious person, I can relate to how I likely feel in the show. I am thinking about things such as scratching my back or bouncing my leg in a way that isn’t distracting or indicating but actively contributes to my anxious feelings. Today we also blocked the conversation I have at the water cooler with Juror 4. At this moment I gain yet another ally in Juror 4. We both focus on facts and not just feelings. I also think that Juror 4’s line “I really wonder why,” is the line which prompts me to start considering “not guilty as a possibility”. My next line is the first time I actually put forward a new point grounded in facts and is not just agreeing with someone or stating the popular opinion. Something else I played with tonight towards the beginning of Act 2 is shaking out of anxiety. An interesting thing occurred when I did so. After I stopped manually shivering, I continued to vibrate somehow. Marc explained that this is a natural body response to shivering. I was honestly a bit worried about it but was glad to hear it’s normal.
August 30th, 2024
Tonight we continued to block Act 2. The first note that I wrote for myself is that this act is the first time I speak my own opinion. I say “Maybe the old man didn’t hear it. I mean with the El noise,”. This is very significant because it is the first time I dissent from the majority. Yesterday I talked about how my decision to dissent could have been prompted by conversation with Juror 4. I still believe this is the case. After Juror 4 says “I really wonder why,” I begin to consider new perspective and opinions. Tonight we also talked about Juror 9’s monologue and the moments that follow. This is particularly important to me as I am one of the three jurors who attempted to break the tension after this moment. After the foreman says “All right, let’s get on with it now,” I begin to offer cough drops to the other Jurors to help diffuse the tension. Marc asked tonight if I feel that the tactic worked and I Don’t think it does. I don’t think that the tension is actually broken until Juror 8 comes and receives a cough drop from me. neither the foreman nor myself can break that tension. I think this is an important point. it takes three tries to break the tension after what Juror 9 reveals. I think this is not only going to be an interesting thing to explore going forward but also plays into our reactions and communication in the silence during Juror 9’s monologue. Another moment we discussed is my reading of my watch. Why do I need to count by fives? Shouldn’t I know how to read an analog watch? I do know how to read it however I don’t have good vision so while I believe I am sure what I am seeing, saying it out loud helps me to verify it.
August 31st, 2024
Today we did some review of Act 2 and began to bock Act 3. One thing we reviewed is the fight at the end of Act 2 and I began to explore my reaction to the moment. In previous moments I have reacted with fear or anxiety and I this moment is no different. I played with jumping back against the wall and taking deep breaths in and out to calm myself down after the intense moments. I believe that the jurors’ reactions to Juror 3’s lunge toward Juror 8 all say something about their characters. Some of us jump in to stop her, some of us do nothing, and some of us, including me, react in fear. It is a great example of fight, flight, or freeze. Juror 2 will almost always fall into flight during the show. In beginning to block Act 3 we finally arrived at the moment where I change my vote. This is another moment where I stand my ground and speak up. I am the first in the vote to deliver a not-guilty stance and am then followed by not only the three who are already in the not-guilty party but Jurors 6 and 11 who are voting not-guilty for the first time. Interestingly, Juror 6 proposes the vote and changes her vote from guilty to not guilty rather than simply saying that she changed her vote like Juror 5 did. I do not think that I pick up on that but I do agree with the proposal as I am too scared to speak up on my own volition even if I feel strongly that the boy is not guilty. This idea of courage even though you feel strong about something throughout the show. Jurors 3, 8, and 9 are the best examples of this. They fight for their right to have an opinion even when no one agrees with them. Juror 9 has a great line about the fact that it “takes a great deal of courage to stand alone,”. I do not have that courage, in life or on stage. This is demonstrated when rather than speaking my piece I wait for Juror 6 to speak up about why she changed her vote. I find this admirable.
September 1st, 2024
Today I finally spoke up about why I changed my vote and I say absolutely nothing. I claim that the sole reason I changed my vote is because Juror 8 seems sure and has made good points and that Juror 3 seems to always get mad and insult people. Juror 4 posits that my claim is not valid and I respond with “That’s true”. I do not think that Juror 4 changes my mind but I think that I do begin to think more critically about what I said. Something which I strategically don’t say is what points she has made that I find strong. I think that the two things that sway me most are the idea that the old man couldn’t have heard the boy over the El Train and that the times don’t line up. I verbally agree that the old man couldn’t have heard the boy and I am the one who does the timing so it makes perfect sense for those to be the two points that are swaying me. This would also explain why I change my vote after the second demonstration. When the times line up the point about the old man not getting to the door in 15 seconds becomes moot. Another big moment for me that we worked on was the moment when I ask about the stab wound. One thing Marc suggested is that when talking about the sizes I gesture to myself. I am 5’ 9”-5’ 10” so I would gesture to the boy’s size 5’ 8” around an inch or two below the crown of my head. I would gesture 6’ 2” for the father at about four inches above my head. This not only shows the audience what those sizes look like but it also helps me demonstrate the predicament to the other jurors, particularly Juror 3 who challenges if this is a point worth looking into. When Juror 3 almost stabs Juror 8, in addition to my line, “Look out!”, I am once again scared of what happens in front of me. One line that confused me during Act 3 is when I say “Do you want me to time this too?”. This line is snarky and completely contrasts my behavior throughout the rest of the show. I think at this point in the show I am finally getting fed up with everything happening and the time we have gotten there. This is sort of my breaking point. I am done trying to simply make a good impression on others. However, when the rest of the jurors react negatively to my comment I regret making it. Soon after, I change my vote back to not guilty as the points I have been relying on come into question during Juror 8’s “doubt doubt doubt” moment. Something else we worked on today was Juror 10’s monologue. During this monologue, we either step away from the table or turn our backs to her due to the offensive remarks. I get up and go to the window at the moment when I feel I cannot bear to look at her as she speaks these heinous words. When Juror 10 says “…but that’s the exception…” we all turn to look at her. In this moment we are unified against her despite our votes, backgrounds, or opinions. We agree that she crossed a line and we do not tolerate this. My next big moment is the “What time is it?” moment. A discussion we had was about why I look at the clock and not my watch. Marc brought up that it is possible that my watch would need to be wound. I went ahead and researched this and found that it is very probable. I ended up finding some second-hand listings for 1957 wound watches. So I will be taking off my watch to wind it in the future. After this moment, Jurors 4 and 10 change their votes. Meanwhile, Juror 3 flips out. This moment once again terrifies me, especially because she gets so close to me and even rips the paper in front of me. After this, we have a very bittersweet exit from the room. I did not get a chance to explore this much but we are returning to it tomorrow and I look forward to navigating it more.
September 3rd, 2024
Tonight we reviewed the ending of the show and worked through Act 1. Most of the ending of the show did not really change for me however Marc reminded us to not let what happened previously (Juror 3’s fit of rage). I think that last night I had not let that affect me as I exited the room as much as it should have. I was terrified during that moment and I could not just forget about that and calmly leave the room. A smaller development that was made was my opinion of the guard. I have immense respect for the guard and what his job is. It is something I feel that I could never do. I allude to that when I leave the room. As I pass him I tip my hat to him and he does the same in response to me. As today was the first day we worked without books it was interesting for me to be able to use my full body. I experimented with adding some nervous tics which I had been thinking about doing prior. I did not want to force it or indicate so I thought about things I do when I am nervous as both in my personal life and in the show I am an anxious person. One thing I find myself doing is scratching my arms and deep breathing. I experimented with adding those into the scene and I feel they work well. I am definitely not indicating. To me it feels real. I have continued to build a relationship with the foreman next to me. We both instinctively turn to each other when we have strong points of view during the trial. I feel that he is a secure, safe person to talk to because like me he does not like when things get loud or out of hand as demonstrated by him consistently telling others to calm down or quiet down.
September 5th, 2024
Today we continued to work on Act 1. We made an adjustment to a moment where Juror 3 tosses an empty cup into the center of the room and I went to retrieve it, thus overhearing a conversation between Jurors 7 and 10 regarding the facts of the case. I see the way they’re discussing said facts as very disrespectful. We decided that it was difficult to justify Juror 3 throwing the cup that far. Instead, she now tosses it towards the trash can and I pick it up, throw it away, then make my way towards the table to pick up a pencil, thus overhearing the conversation and responding. It is not only easier to justify but it also puts me in a stronger position to deliver my line. However, I struggled with what to do with my pencil after that moment. It is not my time to sit, however, my instinct was to place it along with my cup at my seat. In doing so I made a character choice leading to another one. I ended up placing the cup and pencil very delicately. I decided that from the reactions and point of view I had built prior, it would make complete sense for me to be an organized person. From there I began thinking about what type of career I would work well in as an organized person. I decided that it makes complete sense for me to be an accountant. Not only are accountants organized and detailed organized but it is a non-confrontational job that allows me to be an introvert. Accountants do not have to express their opinions on matters, they work in facts and numbers only. I think that the idea of considering only facts in matters would also carry over into the deliberation room. Having this decided feels great because it greatly helps me flesh out my background. I know now that the reason I want to get out of court is because I have to get back to work in the morning. I might have a due date coming up or a project I have to or am excited to work on.
September 6th, 2024
Today was our designer run. It was the first time that we put the full show together without breaking between acts or anything. It made me realize how short the actual show is. We had discussed the brevity of the show prior but this is the first night it showed up. I also got to see how the acts flowed from one to another for the first time. I had assumed that they would flow nicely but had never seen it so it was a cool experience. This is not only the first three-act show I have ever done but it is also the first show I have done with no intermission. I like it. I feel like it slows me to stay involved and present with the story and what is happening around me rather than sometimes when I feel like I am just waiting for the break. It’s also more real. It allows the action to flow just like it would have in the real world. I wrote prior about how I’m very anxious in the show as well as in my personal life. I thought today about more strategies I use to manage my anxiety. One of those strategies is the 54321 grounding exercise. In the exercise you point out 5 things you see, 4 things you touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can take. It is supposed to ground you in the current moment, and it typically does for me. Today I tried it during the show when moments got tense. I think it helped me deal with the obstacles far better than I had been dealing with them in the past. I will likely continue playing with this idea. I don’t even necessarily have to complete the exercise, but the goal is to not be playing the action of being anxious but rather actively dealing with it in a real way.
September 7th, 2024
Today we worked through the third act of the show. One thing we looked at was the moment I cleaned my glasses and looked at the clock. We had a discussion a few days ago about why I would not look at the watch we had clearly established I had multiple times earlier in the show. Marc said that it is possible that I may have a watch that would need to be wound. I went ahead and researched it and found that this was likely the case. I began to play with the timing of when to take the watch off and when to begin cleaning my glasses. Marc pointed this moment out as one that we will come back to tomorrow as our priority list so I will continue working through it and maybe making some new discoveries. At the end of the night, I had a conversation with Marc about why we’re here. He mentioned that from what he had been seeing the last few nights it seemed that I was not committed to taking the work seriously. I had not noticed myself doing so but upon reflection, he was absolutely right. Theatre is fun and I would not be doing it if it was not. However, there is a time to goof off and there is a time to focus on the scene, and over the last few days, I have not had that separation. I selected this show for my project because I was committed to it and I have forgotten that recently. I should be approaching the work with a greater sense of purpose. This conversation was an eye-opener to me and I am going to strive to do better throughout the remainder of this process.
September 8th, 2024
Today we worked through a specific priority list. First, we looked at the cough drop moment. Marc questions if it is possible for me to not have to move around the table and rather stay in place during this moment. I tried this and found it easier to justify and feel more accurate to my character as I had built my story prior. We also explored the idea that foreman’s line, “Come on, let’s get on with it,” is to Juror 8 rather than to me. This prompts Juror 8 to break the tension I am trying to break. This means that my queue to begin sitting down is no longer the foreman’s line but rather Juror 8 receiving a cough drop. Another moment we worked on was Juror 10’s monologue. We decided that it was difficult to justify everyone moving away so early in the speech. I now move when she says “Oh sure, there are some good things about them…”. I think I can justify this however I now need to play with my reactions to what she is saying as I sit at the table which I didn’t need to prior.
September 10th, 2024
Tonight we moved onto the Klein Theatre stage for the first time. However, before that, I finally named Juror 2. I had been mulling over what I think his name could be for a while but last night I settled on Edward “Eddie” Harlan. I decided I am 32 so I looked at a list of baby names from 1925 and Eddward just seemed like a good choice. On stage tonight I made quite a few valuable realizations and decisions. On stage, we have a lot more space. In room 310 I often did not have the option of having any personal space. In Klein it is different. I found that not only do I have the opportunity to have said space but I, as Juror 2/Eddie value it. Another new addition tonight was the prop cigarettes. I do not use one however the foreman, directly next to me, does. At times the smoke (water vapor) made its way towards me and I could smell it. In reality, it smelled like mint however I still found myself fanning it away. I thought it might be an interesting choice to continue doing so and decide that I do not like the smell of smoke. I will continue playing with that by fanning it away when it comes near me plus potentially grimacing at the scent. Tonight was also our second full run of the show so I made new realizations that are not just about the new factors added to the show. In the past, I had been saying “not guilty” in the vote as if I was proud of it and was standing my ground but I realized tonight that I do not feel that decision makes sense at all. I am the first person to vote not guilty in that vote making me the fourth person in the show to make that call. As I mentioned previously I almost always go with the opinion of the majority however this is the exact opposite. I would have been extremely hesitant to speak up and would definitely not be proud of it, especially due to the fact that other jurors would be even more frustrated if I seemed delighted about it. I think I would however be happy after the vote concluded to know that I had five other jurors I could work with and would back me and my claims up. However, before long I do swing back to voting guilty. It is interesting however that I lead that charge and both jurors 6 and 5 follow my lead. We also talked tonight about sightlines and spotlighting. When we are speaking we must make sure we are seen by gesturing with our bodies or moving into view when it is an important moment and we are behind someone. I am behind Juror 10 for a lot of the show so there are some moments when I need to lean or stand up in order to be seen during important moments. One thing I pointed out to Marc tonight is that the clock on set still had its second hand. We had discussed prior that it likely wouldn’t have one as the reason I time the demonstrations is because I have a second hand on my watch and the main clock in the room likely wouldn’t have one. So Marc said it wouldn’t have a second hand for the show.
September 12th, 2024
Tonight was our first technical rehearsal. There is something special about being in the lights, with a dark house. It all just makes me so happy. It feels like the work that we have been doing is finally beginning to come together and pay off. I continued to explore spotlighting myself and being sure I was seen on stage tonight. We didn’t add costumes tonight so I attempted to wear clothing that somewhat matched what I would be wearing. I wear a blue and white striped suit in the show with a white shirt so I wore my white Mickey Mouse shirt with light khaki jeans and a blue plaid over shirt. One thing that surprised me about this evening is how quickly we moved. We made it all the way to Act 2 tonight which was very unexpected. In past technical rehearsals, we make it to maybe page 4 or 5 on the first day. This illustrates to me that the show’s technical elements are relatively simple. As the show is grounded in realism there aren’t any out there colored lights or crazy gobos or anything. In terms of sound so far there is music at the top of the show as well as the voices of the clerk and judge. There is also traffic sounds throughout the show. It’s interesting to hear because I doubt the audience would notice it but the sound just loops so we would often recognize what sounded like a woman walking by regularly. It became somewhat funny to keep hearing the same sound of the same woman but I had to ignore it to stay in the scene. I am super excited to add costumes to the fray tomorrow as that tends to be my favorite part of the process.
September 13th, 2024
Tonight we wore costumes for the first time. Sure, I had fittings prior and had seen the renderings but there is something special about actually seeing the character come together visually. Fortunately seeing myself in the costume for the first time reinforced the character analysis and choices I had made previously. Nothing felt out of place whatsoever. The costume began to help me build a better understanding of how to carry myself and how to sit on stage. Before tonight I had been struggling to not cross my legs or ankles under the table but as soon as I put on my costume it became significantly less of a struggle. I also utilized my hat as a fan for the first time and it worked surprisingly well. The stage is hot in my costume so this will not only help me in terms of portraying the heat in the room but also actively dealing with the heat I am facing in reality. Another thing I explored today was more of the space. After my moment with Juror 4, I move to look at the map on the wall. This creates something for me to actively engage with rather than standing there aimlessly. Also during the lunge moment at the end of Act 2, I jump up against the wall as I had been doing in 310 but this time it is more of a careful backup because I have more room to move before I reach the wall. It is still justifiable and this arguably feels better than it did in 310 but it is a new obstacle I had to face.
September 14th, 2024
Today we finished teching the entire show. This was a surprising thing as I have never been through a tech process this quickly. One thing that it has afforded us is the opportunity to get more direction than we usually would during the technical rehearsal process. This has been incredibly beneficial. We have been able to learn far more in the space than we would otherwise be able to. It has helped us discover how exactly to explore the space with more guidance than we typically would have had. One thing I explored today was very minor but I elected to eat a cough drop myself tonight when I offer them. It actually takes longer to get the drops out of my pocket and open the container so I figure if I would go through all the trouble to get them out I would probably want one for myself.
September 15th, 2024
Tonight we did a speed-through of the show. This showed us the time we can cut from the show as there are moments in which we are spending too much time. We worked some tonight on shedding that extra time. The run tonight was around 1:40 and the speed through was around 40 minutes obviously we won’t be cutting an hour from the show as many moments need the time we have given them however it is possible to cut some of the air from the show. As we continue the technical process over the next 3 days I will endeavor to explore this idea. Where are moments in which I can justify shaving down? What moments need this time? How can I improve the show through urgency and brevity? Yesterday I received a note to see Marc about NURSE. I was initially confused about what exactly this meant until today he made me aware that it was about the NURSE lexical set when it comes to accent. When I say “thirty” I had been going too far or “just past Guys and Dolls” as he put it. I think this is the case. I had actually been struggling to make it so that I said that word in an accent but the adjustment I was given tonight will help to make that make sense to the audience. Rather than taking the word all the way to sound like “thoity”, I’m going to endeavor to attempt to say it more as “dirty”.
September 16th, 2024
In this technical rehearsal process, I have been playing with some new moments for connection between the other characters. Some of these began in rehearsal but others have emerged during tech. One moment that emerged in rehearsal and has become solidified is that after I say “That’s true,” to Juror 4 in Act 3 and sit, Juror 5 looks at me disapprovingly. I look to her and whisper, “I’m sorry,”. I do this for two reasons. I am first, sorry I couldn’t stand my ground even though I tried. Secondly, it’s because Juror 4 has a point. This is a moment where I start to consider the possibility that changing my vote to not guilty wasn’t the right decision. I apologize to Juror 5 because I still care about what she thinks about me. A moment I have explored just in technical rehearsal is between Juror 12, the foreman, and myself. When Juror 12 talks about the man who buys the ads I say “Absolutely” despite everyone else’s groans. The foreman proceeds to give me a dirty look and I shrug. This is because of the connection I built with Juror 12 at the beginning of the show. Despite this I do get annoyed during the final time she brings up advertising as at a certain point it gets annoying for everyone. One thing I messed up tonight was the timing of my line, “You want me to time this too?”. The line sort of comes out of nowhere so I think it’s one I struggle to remember. My other lines are typically direct responses to what someone else has said so they’re easier to remember. There was a pause before that line and I noticed Jurors 6 and 8 looking at me. Then I said the line. I didn’t drop it but it was significantly delayed. I am going to study it and hopefully improve tomorrow.
September 17th, 2024
I missed the “You want me to time this too?” line again. I knew the line and reviewed it before tonight but I didn’t have the cue line engrained in my head. The foreman nudged me when it was time for my line so it wasn’t too delayed but it was still embarrassing. Knowing my lines is the bare minimum and I’m still not entirely sure why I’m missing this one in particular besides the fact that it comes out of nowhere. I will be reviewing vigilantly before the preview tomorrow. Otherwise, I feel like we had a great run tonight and are ready for an audience tomorrow. Despite this, I do feel that this process has gone by so quickly. Kevin remarked that we did have one less week than in previous years which makes sense but despite that it still feels fast. It feels like we stepped into 310 for our first rehearsal a week ago and tomorrow we’ll have an audience. Regardless, in our short time, we have worked hard to create a fantastic show that I am positive that audiences will love.
September 18th, 2024
Tonight was the Pay What You Can preview. It was the first time I was able to show the play to an audience. It is always an exciting experience to work on something for weeks and then finally be able to show it off to the people you did it for. There is a certain feeling about it that has happened to me for the last few shows I have been in. I get really excited in the dressing room before the preview. I’m so excited that I am just being goofy and having a great time but then as soon as I get up backstage, I panic. I get incredibly anxious and feel like everything that can go wrong will go wrong. This was only amplified by the fact that I have struggled with the same line for the last few nights. I was actually even more nervous than I had been than I was before the last few shows I have been in. I’m still not entirely sure why. It could be because it is my senior project and I have put so much pressure on myself to succeed. I also wonder if it is because it’s the first show I have done with no intermission or moment off stage so I never have a moment to take a breather. I was so grateful for how close the cast has gotten, especially in the last few weeks. Everyone made sure I was okay and gave my words of encouragement before the show. It really helped. When I got on stage I was fine! The show went great tonight. I got the “You want me to time this too?” line in a good amount of time. I studied that line a lot between yesterday and today to make sure I got it. The only aspect of the show I feel I could have done better is putting more hair gel in before the show. I kept having to fix my hair throughout the show because it didn’t stay. It is always interesting the first time you have an audience to see what they react to. They thought the guard was very funny which makes sense, Joel is very funny in the role. They also lost it when Juror 4 tells Juror 10 “I’m going to scratch your eyes out,”. I never perceived that as a funny line but I can see how someone would. It will be interesting to see what other vocal reactions we get as the shows continue.
September 19th, 2024
Tonight was opening night! I was still very nervous tonight but not nearly as nervous as I was last night. I was confident we would put on an amazing show and we did. One thing that did surprise me however is how much they laughed. It felt like they thought it was a comedy at times. I think there were also some moments where we played on that and contributed to it but I said most of my lines as I have every other night and they thought it was hilarious. I am not entirely sure what changed from last night tonight. Maybe it was just a different crowd or demographic? It will be interesting to see if this becomes the norm for the run. One thing that I hadn’t considered but learned after talking to my friend, Mason after the show was that sometimes people laugh because a moment is shocking or tense rather than funny. I do not think this is the case for all of the moments which they laughed at tonight but certainly could be the case for some. This has me even more excited for tomorrow to see what they react to.
September 20th, 2024
Tonight was yet another great show. All of the work that I am doing is showing up for me and I am incredibly proud of the show thus far. Tonight in terms of audience reactions, I feel like they were appropriate. They laughed some but only during moments that we intended to be funny and the “I’m going to scratch your eyes out,” line. Tonight I even noticed some gasps and ooos during tense moments and moments of realization. Audiences like we had tonight are what motivate me to put on a good show. They were engaged and seemed to enjoy every second of the show. It reminds me of the importance of theatre for both myself and the people who take time out of their busy lives to see it. We are telling an incredible story and it is eliciting such strong reactions from people, this is a very special thing. It only makes me that much more excited for the rest of the run.
September 21st, 2024
Tonight was another fantastic run. I know I keep saying that but it has been a fantastic experience to work on this show. I am so incredibly proud of how far we have come from June when we began this process. My family is coming to see the show tomorrow and I don’t think I have ever been this excited to show off something I have worked on. After our preview on Wednesday Rob likened this to being a kindergartner showing off a piece of macaroni art that we have worked on. I couldn’t agree more with this sentiment. Tomorrow is our first matinee. Matinees always have somewhat of a different vibe so I am excited to see how it changes the experience of doing this show.
September 22nd, 2024
Today was a great run. It was awesome to show my family the hard work I have been doing for the past few months. I also had the opportunity to participate in AfterWords for the first time! I had been eager to participate in it since The Play That Goes Wrong. I was thrown off some when my first question was “What kind of watch were you wearing?”. I had no clue what make of watch it was. I knew that the watch, in the context of the show, would have been a mechanical watch that needed to wind but I had no clue exactly what watch I rambled awkwardly for a bit about the physical characteristics of the watch before Cameron, who moderated the program, rescued me by asking if I actually had to wind the watch. I proceeded to then tell the story about how Marc and I had talked about the fact that the watch probably wouldn’t have been self-winding and the reason I took it off was because it would need to be wound. I plan to take a photo of the back of the watch tomorrow so I can learn what it is and not forget in the future because it is a good thing to know. Besides that, Afterwords went well. My grandmother even asked a question which was cool to see.
September 26th, 2024
Tonight’s show had more bumps in the road than usual. It was still a really great run and I am proud of it but there were certainly some bumps. For starters contrary to pay what you can, I put too much hair gel and water in my hair tonight to the point where it was dripping down my face and neck somewhat. It wasn’t enough to be visible to the audience, but I was considering dabbing my handkerchief against my neck and face during the show. It was more of an annoyance that took some of my focus than a big issue. Secondly, during Act 1 someone in the audience’s phone went off. Typically I don’t struggle with staying focused but this time it was a badly played recorder song as the ringtone. Not only that but it went on for so long. I was so close to laughing and had to remind myself of why I was on stage and the importance of staying in the moment. I ended up not letting it affect me besides a brief moment of distraction. The last new obstacle I faced was during Juror 4 and my conversation at the water cooler, Rob spilled their water tonight. It was at a level that we couldn’t just ignore so Rob let it anger them and put that anger into their lines. I played off of that and I think while the audience may have picked up on the fact that we weren’t supposed to spill, they quickly forgot about it as we acknowledged it well and moved on justifiably.
September 27th, 2024
It is always interesting when you make a discovery or realization this far into the process. Tonight I had an interesting one. After Juror 12 says “I would think about 10 seconds,” in reference to how long it takes an El Train to pass a given point, I say “10 seconds, yes,”. I wondered previously why I said yes at the end of that line something I thought about when we were reviewing my scripts and in the performance yesterday is that maybe I say that in order to make an attempt to move past the conversation as it’s been going on for too long and feels irrelevant to me. If that’s the case, I don’t think I succeeded because then to say something very similar, but I think it is a possibility. I tried it tonight and I think that it worked. I may try again tomorrow. Besides that, it was a good run tonight. I am starting to feel the sadness of the show coming to an end. We have three more shows but only two more days. It still feels like this process went by so fast.
September 28th, 2024
I am a bit conflicted about my opinions about doing a two-show day. On one hand, I am grateful that more people have an opportunity to see the show. I know that a lot of people have trouble getting out to see shows late in the evening so adding another option for them is fantastic. I love having the opportunity for as many people to see the show as possible. On the other hand, a two-show day is incredibly exhausting, especially when I want to put on the best show possible for both audiences. It definitely didn’t help that I got a rough night of sleep before the matinee. Due to this at the start of Act 1, I zoned out a little bit, fortunately, I didn’t miss any lines or anything but I had to snap myself out of it. Fortunately, I did so relatively quickly and the rest of the run went smoothly. After the show, Emma suggested that we all come back early to play some muffinball as a group warm-up before the evening show. This ended up being so much fun. We even had Farmer and Noel join us. It was great to get the opportunity to connect with the cast and have fun before the penultimate show. Plus, it definitely hyped me up for the next show. Unfortunately, there was one hiccup just before the show began. For whatever reason my bow tie came loose right before the show began and Cameron and I had to quickly fix it. We got it just before I had to go on stage and I was definitely frazzled by the ordeal. I reminded myself of the importance of what we were doing and the integrity of the show to once again quickly snap myself out of it. We had a very solid penultimate run.
September 29th, 2024
It’s always bittersweet whenever a show ends. It is nice to be able to get a bit of free time and the ability to look back and be proud of the work that I did but at the same time I’ll never get to be back on the stage sharing this amazing story with such an amazing group of people. Overall we had a great run of the show. Today was no exception. It might actually have been our best run yet. I was the most engaged at the moment as I ever had been before. No one flubbed any lines, there was nothing distracting me, and I felt that I had a point of view on every single moment. Honestly, I cannot think of a better way to close out such an amazing show. I feel bad that I haven’t had a chance to write thank you cards for the company but I still plan to do so and track everyone down. I didn’t do so for the first three shows I worked on here and I regret it. I did it for the first time during Matilda and it was such a rewarding experience. I loved taking the time to think through my relationship with everyone and what fond memories I have with them from the show. It was so fun to receive so many today and feel so loved by everyone in the cast and crew.